Peacefully (Piecefully) Puzzled: How My Autistic Child Brought Me Closer to God

It has been some time since posting. Our family and many others have adjusted to a way of life where we are working from home; not able to attend the gym, or go to stores and restaurants without wearing a mask. We are also faced with Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays apart when we used to share in fellowship with family and friends. During this time , I was taking time to read and came across a book called “My Dog Can Preach – 40 Lessons of God’s Love Unleashed” by Roxanne Worsham. 

As I was reflecting on the lessons she learned from her dog, Scout, I reflected on how my son and I interact. He is a nonverbal young man with autism and continues to work through his aggressive behavior and routines throughout the day. With COVID-19 prompting changes in our community, he has had some changes to his routine that he has been growing through. Reflecting on my interactions with my son has been eye opening for me so I wanted to share with my readers. As I put the pieces together, I became at peace into what God was communicating to me.

1. Christopher’s name contains Christ which is present in him since he is a child of the most high GOD. Everyone of us is a child of God and need to reflect upon Him and how we were each formed in his image.  Any action we do to each other is an action on a child of God. My words and my actions when negatively directed toward my son were a direct rejection to God and what he created from me, my son created in His image. By understanding this very simple but yet true meaning of Him in us, I am able to understand how my actions were being received by God.
2. Every night requires myself or a service support worker to wait outside of Chris’s room in case he would arise at night. He would have the tendency to wreak havoc on the refrigerator, his room, or have an obsession that would not leave his mind to the point of aggression or self-injurious behavior.  Waiting outside Chris’ door was like being prepared for whatever would need my attention to ensure his safety and safety of others. Upon reflecting on this, we all must be ready for the return of our savior Jesus and God because we will not know when this will occur. Early on I would chastise him for leaving his room and to get back sending a negative vibe to him for leaving his room. He would likely escalate and take longer to return to his room in a calm manner. Overtime and many mistakes, I have adjusted my approach with him. When he exits his room I give him a Big Hug and embrace him with love and welcome him into my arms. I seek out and ask him what is going on so he can communicate with me on his needs. Similarly, are we adjusting our approach to adjust our approach in life to be ready for God to enter at any moment. Will we be ready for His return into our hearts, lives, and soul.
3. At times it is very frustrating to listen and act upon what my son requests of me. I see it as petty or part of his obsessive compulsive disorder where he will continue to repeat a request and I deny him assess to it or redirect him toward something else. He knows that is not what he wants and continue to pursue it at all cost, which can lead to behaviors or challenges that are hard to deal with. Similarly, God asks us to do things we do not want to do. I may just think well that sounds nice, but in reality He is asking us to do something small for Him prior to giving us something greater. He is challenging each of us daily  we just need to listen and act upon what he is asking of us. It is difficult to submit to these requests in my mind because it is not convenient, I may have something I feel is more important, or just want to watch a streaming movie to pass the time away. When I look at what is being asked of me from my son with respect to everything else going on around me, I give in to his request to ensure his needs are met before mine. Similarly, each of us shall submit to the calling of God in our life no matter the small tasks or the larger ones. It will continue to be ever present in our lives to ensure we know the difference between know what is a God given request or something of this world. As we grow in our faith and become more aligned with Christ our eyes will open to our God given purpose and as we continue down that path we will feel in our niche and remain happy. Try not to let your own pride cloud your judgements. Pride is a barrier that has impeded and continues at time to get in my way from submitting to His will. 
4. As I sit with my son most evenings I am absorbed into what I prefer to do versus focusing on him. I am distracted by the things like social media, trying to make money online selling things or buying things on Amazon. So many deals to be had and I cannot miss out on what is being said on social media or the latest news surrounding COVID-19, etc. These worldly distractions are taking away from what is important and is right in front of me, which is my son and family. As I am focused more on myself than on my son, he may be trying to communicate or reach out for attention, which I would ignore and absorb myself into what I was doing and what he was doing was less important. At times, he would gain my attention be escalating his self-injurious behavior to the point I would have to intervene and redirect him. These instances would sometimes be addressed with my negative attention and would not help in deescalating the situation. Therefore, he could continue to injure himself with biting, banging his head, or cutting into himself with his nails or straws he typically twirls. As I reflect on his injuries, I cannot forget the injuries that Jesus suffered for each one of us so that we would have eternal life. He accepted this as a sacrifice on our behalf. My son’s injuries may not be as severe, but are also the pain and suffering I may be instilling on him and our Savior Jesus Christ because I was more focused on the priorities of this world (social media, etc) versus spending time with Him and my son, a child of God. Jesus has suffered for each of us, there is no reason for us to inflict suffering on others when we can rejoice in Him. God is always watching each of us; His face is always upon each and everyone of us and He does not forget us. He is seeking each of us out all the time. As my son, Chris, asks for tickles or hugs or some other form of attention, I reflect on how God is seeking me out for my attention toward Him as He is always seeking me. Take time in your life to work at spending quality time on what is important because the distractions of this world are definitely a challenge that I still need to deal with each day. 
5. During our evenings with each other, I am reminded of God’s presence. Chris will spend a good amount of time on his “device”, as we call it, watching YouTube. As I am writing this right now, he transitioned from Barney to “Angels we have heard on High”. These religious songs have been always at the right time when I listen to what he is playing and seems I was meant to hear it at that perfect time. This is what I call a divine intervention from my son that cannot communicate with words like you and I do, but has communicated through shows and music. Do you remember the Transformers movie where Bee lost his voice and it was replaced with a radio? Bee would tune into the radio stations to communicate his thoughts and feelings through the lyrics and music. This is what my son seems to do while we are together, he will scroll through YouTube finding the message to communicate to me. Remember God may “Bee” seeking you through someone you would least expect. Similarly, a non-verbal young man at age 20 is using YouTube to selectively play songs of worship and phrases that attract my attention to His divine intervention though my son.

A relationship with my sons is what I desire, as is a relationship with God and as He wants a relationship with you.