This evening I had the opportunity to speak with several parents and caregivers about my sons and how I had to learn about their attention seeking from me and others. My sons have profound autism and are always seeking attention from me, their mother, and others. As it turns out it does not matter what form of attention I provided my son, he still considered it attention and reinforcing to gaining control of his environment.
When one of my boys was ten years old he was in 4th grade and his behaviors started to escalate. He was seeking attention from teachers, aids in the class as well as teachers assistants. He would throw his spit to get a reaction from his bus driver or throw his shoes at the bus driver to get a reaction. He had no sense of the safety hazard he was creating, but he definitely got a reaction and I am sure the driver did raise their voice at him to voice their displeasure. Raising the voice or causing any reaction like a flinch is reinforcing to him.
On another occasion, he figured that it was easy to get attention by putting his arm down the blouse of his teachers or class assistants. This was completely not acceptable and he was definitely reinforced by the negative attention he received in the classroom. The response to his escalated behavior led to physically moving him to an isolated room with padded walls till he chilled. At times multiple staff had to hold him down on the floor. Since he is hyposensitive, he was receiving reinforcement by the deep pressure they were applying to him. Therefore, the behaviors were not under control but continued to escalate until he was kicked out of about 3-4 schools that were supposed to be specialized in autism. These schools were not staffed or trained for this type of behavior.
As he attended Special Warriors he received positive attention. In this program, he learned how to exercise and was provided positive praise for following instruction. The gross motor and heavy weight was very reinforcing to him physically, emotionally, as well as stimulating to his brain. After his workout he received positive attention and reinforcement to his body with endorphins and dopamine. This attention is what I was hoping he would be seeking more often, but even I fell into the trap of providing him negative attention. As a parent, I had to make a shift and understand that no matter if it is positive or negative attention…It is still ATTENTION. This is what I mean by Absolute Attention.
Absolute attention is where I have found that the attention my child was seeking was to control his environment as best as he could. He communicated via his actions. His whining provided negative attention so I reacted and he got what he wanted…My attention. When he was good, I tried to reinforce him by giving hugs, tickles, and positive praise to show that it was appropriate behavior. When he was seeking negative behavior, I tried to retrain my response by speaking with him with no emotion and tried to remain calm while I was addressing his behaviors. Grabbing him to direct him was used as a last resort because you would be reinforcing his negative behavior with the input he was seeking. This approach took a lot out of me. I had to change… i had to control my reactions and self discipline myself to be different. I have to swallow my own pride on so many occasions, but I know and understand him so much better after 22 years. I am not certified as a trainer, but just wanted to share this experience with our readers so you can understand this perspective.
Thanks for your continued support. Please ask questions and share your stories with us as we move forward on this journey together. You are not alone.
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